


All the pretty girls

by Lilbug



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort (later on), M/M, POV Katniss Everdeen, Slow Burn, a lot of difference from canon tbh, clove resides in katniss's head for a bit, has a bit of a shaun mason/georgia mason theme to it, little bit dark, mainly focused on joniss, swearing because its JOHANNA
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-08-29 00:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16733727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilbug/pseuds/Lilbug
Summary: "Don't fall for the lumberjack, Sweetheart." Is what Haymitch told me. Multiple times, actually.I've never been good at following directions."--Katniss Everdeen never fell for Peeta, but instead chose the person who completely saved her life.(fic + title is purely based on "All The Pretty Girls" by KALEO!!)





	1. Don't fall for her, sweetheart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOO CHAPTER 1 IS UP  
> ahdjh i hope you all enjoy this, considering its my first hunger games fic  
> kind of nervous about posting it, so feel free to offer suggestions on how to improve !  
> ill try to update this every few days, but life is a Bitch (never get older it sucks) but ill do my best!  
> anyways, have fun reading <3

The first time I  _really_  saw Johanna Mason?

The Training Center, surrounded by almost every single female tribute. And Finnick, but he didn’t count. He was - is - her best friend, and was also a favourite. Enobaria is the closest to her, and as I got closer, I see her. Johanna. She had been telling jokes, making everyone laugh, and sometimes providing a kiss on the cheek. I stared at her, and kind of hated myself for wishing that I was Enobaria. Closest to this District Seven woman, waiting for something. Of course, I was  _not_  Enobaria, and of course, Peeta arrived right at that time. As I turned away, Johanna moved, too, a made her way to the bar, which was attached to the Training Center.

Peeta had taken my hand, and forced me to go visit Haymitch, who was our “mentor” for another year. On the way, Finnick appeared, and decided to make Peeta go alone.

“Go on, Mellark. I promise, I won’t take your girl for very long,” he had grinned, and Peeta sauntered off. “Well, Katniss. I’ve heard that you want Mags, right?”

“Right.” I quipped at him, really just wanting to go back to my quarters. Seeing Johanna was too much, for whatever reason.

“Good to know,” Finnick had told me. “Because Mags wants me, and if you want her, then…” I glared at him, because I did  _not_  want him as an ally. “C’mon, Everdeen. Give it a chance, will you? I’m worth it, promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I paused. “Because not everyone will live to keep them.”

“Threats, threats, threats,” he rolled his eyes. “All empty in the arena. Good to know that we’re allies!” He patted my shoulder, and stalked off after Johanna.

I could see why the two were so close.

* * *

I scream Cinna’s name as he’s dragged away, and the cylinder goes down. “No! No, no,  _no_ !” I yell, slamming my fist into the glass. No, no, no. He can’t be dead, he can’t be gone, Cinna- he- he can’t,  _no_. “Cinna- Cinna wou- would, he’d, he’d want me to...to do my best. To not die. To live,” I whisper. I don’t believe myself in the slightest. I wipe my eyes once, and the light blasts into my eyes. “Welcome to the 75th annual Hunger Games.” I stare ahead, blinking. Welcome to the 75th annual Hunger Games, indeed.

* * *

The jabberjays shriek, and Finnick and I cover our ears the best we can. I see Johanna, Peeta, and Beetee, all attempting to say  _something_  to us. I don’t care, I can’t focus I can’t focus I can-

“Katniss, they’re just mutts! They’re just...” Finnick screams, but he doesn’t keep talking. He doesn’t believe himself, either.

“They wouldn’t- they wouldn’t do that. They- they-” I whisper yell. The jabberjays scream, and claw at my hair, but I can’t escape. The fucking wall, the goddamn wall- it’s trapping us in here. My eyes flicker upwards, as I see a hand placed on the wall. The  _i_ _nvisible_ wall. Johanna. She’s staring at me, and I can’t help but stare back. She keeps her hand there, and I find it in me to move my own hand up. She nods once, and seems to force a smile. It’s not that reassuring. “We’ll be fine...we’ll be fine..” I whisper, and she nods again. Johanna glances back at Beetee, who can’t seem to bring himself to look at us. I know Finnick is a mess, but I can see Peeta trying to get through to him.

I feel a pang of anger at him, for not helping me, but I don’t think I really care. Johanna keeps her eyes on me, and it makes me feel calm. Calmer than I was. I keep her eye contact, trying to focus on them. Her eyes, I mean.

They’re brown, with flecks of lighter gold-brown in them. She has those...rings...around her eyes, and they sparkle and reflect in mine. I can see myself in her eyes, her pupil, and I smile. I’m still here, right here, in this fucking arena, but I’m alive. I maintain her gaze, but I can’t help but study her face. Dark hair, pale skin, thin. She’s pretty, but her personality sometimes dims that. Not here, not now. She looks great.

Maybe it’s just because of what’s she’s doing, but I don’t  _care_ . I want to thank her, I want to tell her how much this is  _helping_ , because the jabberjays barely phase me. It looks like Finnick is going through the same thoughts, with Peeta. I snap out of the peace, and Prim’s screaming returns. I snap my head back, eyes wide. I hear a faint  _knock_ , and turn back. Johanna is still staring at me, and I return my hand to the same spot.

It’ll be okay. I’ll get through this, because I have a lifeline. I think. Wow, I just called  _Johanna Mason_ my  _l_ _ifeline_. She is, at the moment, though. I wouldn’t deny her from doing this, even if I had a choice. She’s keeping me stable, and I don’t exactly want to protest against her, or what she’s doing. I wonder how my family is reacting to this - Johanna helping me, instead of Peeta. Maybe they’ll assume it’s because of the alliance. Or maybe Prim, since she looks deeper into people, will assume that she’s acting. Like she did in her own Games.

I stumble forwards, and I  _guess_ the wall is down. I feel arms around me, and I expect Peeta to be there. I look up at whoever caught me, and stare into Johanna Mason’s brown eyes. My face feels suddenly warm, but I don’t move. “Thanks.” I breathe in, willing myself to say more. I don’t think I can, my throat feels like it’s closed in on itself. I’m not sure that, even if I wanted to, I can move away from her.

“Let’s get you away from the birds, shall we?” Her voice isn’t soft, it’s normal toned. That makes me feel a lot better, for whatever reason. “Do you think you can walk, Twelve?” I barely manage to shake my head. “Alright, don’t resist,” Johanna tells me, so I don’t. I feel one of her arms under my legs, and I’m pulled up to her chest. I feel useless. Katniss Everdeen, the “Girl on fire”, can’t even walk by herself. “Hey,” she glances down at me, and I breathe in. For the first thirty minutes or so, in that goddamn  _hell_ , I’m pretty sure I just curled up. I don’t remember how I got up, but it’s certainly bothering me now. “Katniss. The whole country loves your sister. If they tortured her- did anything to her, forget the Districts. There would be...riots in the damn Capital.”

I stare at her, not fully realising that she actually set me down. “Wh-”

“Hey, how does that sound, Snow? What if we- what if we set  _your_ backyard on fire? Y’know, you  _can’t_ put  _everybody_ in here!” I flinch at how  _shrill_ she sounds. “Well. He can’t hurt me. There’s no one left that I love. I’ll get you some water.” She says that softly, and I barely can hear it. But I do. I watch as she stalks off, just like she did in the Training Center.

“That’s her way of comforting you,” Finnick nods in my direction, and I notice Peeta for the first time. “She’s not very good at it, but she does try. That little spiel, to Snow? Yeah, that was it. And the thing about Prim. Johanna sucks at comfort, but that was meant to help.” He smiles.

“Is it true?” I croak out, letting myself lean into Peeta. “About…”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “All of it was. I don’t know fully...but yeah.”

“No offense meant to Johanna,” Beetee suddenly starts to speak. “But I think we should just rest. Katniss and Finnick probably aren’t...well.”

“You can sure say that,” Finnick scoffs, and Peeta’s grip tightens around me. “But, Beetee, my friend,” he grins. “These are the Hunger Games. Never  _any_ time to rest, ‘cause Sn-” he pauses. “Because they’re the damn Hunger Games.”

“Hey, Haymitch,” I stare up at the sky. “Want to give me some advice, and a pillow? That’s what I need to w-”

I stare in  _shock_  as a parachute falls down, and hear Finnick burst out laughing. “Check it out, he’s really into the “ask and you shall receive” thing, huh?” Peeta smiles. The parachute hits the ground, and there’s a simple note in it.

“He got half of it,” I sigh, opening the capsule. “Wonder what his words of wisdom are.”

“Don’t die, Sweetheart?” Peeta offers, and I laugh quietly. I pull out the note, and squint at the terribly written words.

 _I swear, sweetheart, if you fall for Mason, I’m gonna be pissed. Keep it up with Peeta, stop making love eyes at the lumberjack, you hear me? And_ please _stop asking for notes. These cost a lot, and there’s a damn limit on words. In short, don’t fuck Johanna, don’t leave Peeta, and keep up the damn alliance, okay, Sweetheart?_

-  _H_

 

I glare down at the note, and place it on the ground, moving my head to glare at the sky. “Love you too, Haymitch.”

“What’s he done now? Is he your best man?” I turn my head to face Johanna, who’s appeared suddenly. “Or is he just being his normal, drunk-ass self?”

“Second option,” I mumble, lowering my eyes. “Can we send notes to them, or do we have to just scream it, so he can watch the recordings?”

“Hey, Haymitch!” Finnick fake shouts, grinning. “Katniss says, “go to hell”!”

“Katniss doesn’t curse,” Johanna snickers. “If she does, I’ve never heard her.”

“Didn’t you bring water?” I mutter, crossing my arms.

Peeta lightly touches my shoulder, and I sigh. I don’t love him, not in the way everyone thinks I do. It’s not fair to him, but I don’t want to keep the act up. I can’t see how Johanna did it - acting. For days, pretending to be something she wasn’t. To survive, of course. I guess this is also to survive, even though it’s not what I’d like to do. “Yeah, I brought you water. Some fell out along the lovely jungle way, but it’s still water.” She shoves a fairly large, cracked open stone towards me. Water spills out of the top, just slightly.

“How-” I squint at her, and Johanna smirks. “Did you..?” She twirls her axe in her hands, brushing the top of the blade.

“Best in Seven. Used to be. Then I was chosen for the 71st Hunger Games! Which was, if I will, very rude. I did only have a family, but hey,” she spreads out her arms, pointing her axe up towards the sky. “Snow made sure I had absolutely no worries! Generous of him, isn’t it?” She smiles at me, and I decide to focus on drinking the water she gave me.

“Johanna,” Peeta shifts me out of his arms, and looks up at her. “I never really watched the Games…from before. Wanna tell me how you won, so I know what to avoid?” He’s always been better with words than I have. Peeta just made a taboo act seem fairly normal.

Johanna grins, and leans up against a nearby tree. “Oh, the Games. Blight, the other District Seven tribute?” She sighs. “Was my mentor. He told me to look weak. To act weak, to be an easy target. Low training score, mess everything the fuck up. Uhh, look like shit, whenever I was in front of other people. Train privately, though!” I try not to stare. I always thought how she won was really clever, because it  _was_ ,  _is_ , even. It was new, and I really wanted her to win, as soon as I saw her. A seventeen year old, going into the Games. So close to getting away from them, but not far enough to not be chosen. “Well, the arena was a pretty big place. Not like this, but it was fairly different. Forest, rocky areas, snow, and a desert. All split off, but they gave the viewers plenty to look at, to watch. I hid out for the first nine days, and there weren’t very many tributes left. One boy, his name was Samuel, ‘found’ my camp,”

“I had heard him coming, ‘cause he was loud as  _hell_. Set out some Nightlock, and made sure to make  _a lot_ of noise, scampering up into the trees. I yelled for him to at  _l_ _east_ not eat my food stash. He said, “thanks for the food then, freak!” and died. That was number one. I put on a grin, grabbed a hidden axe, and went hunting,” I feel a chill go down my spine at the way she says “hunting”. Peeta looks captivated, staring at her with massive eyes. “Another boy, this one was named Jem, was hunting for food. I leapt from tree to tree, split open his skull. The next, her name was Elizabeth. She was looking for her ally, Nate. I threw my axe into her back, and then found Nate. He had a trident, ‘cause he was a District Four,”

“He saw me before I saw him, though. Threw the trident right at me, sliced open my cheek. I took off running, because that was too fucking close for me,” Johanna pauses, adding effect to this entire memory. “Nate ended up running after me, and eventually cornered me. I didn’t actually know he was the last tribute, so I didn’t try any flashy ideas. I took my axe, and ripped that seventeen year old to pieces. His arms, legs,  _everything_. He had stuck his trident in my leg, and I panicked. That’s when the last cannon went off, and the horns blared. I knew I had won.”

Everyone is silent, even Finnick. He stares at her, watching as Johanna sits down, a small smirk on her face. She looks at every single one of us, and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who meets her gaze. Beetee turns away from her, and Peeta looks kind of sick. Finnick just looks sad, disappointed. I know he won his Games before her, and I can’t help but wonder if he had mentored Nate. Finnick and Johanna, they’re best friends. I don’t know how I would feel if Gale told me he had killed someone I knew. In such a violent way, too. But she didn’t want to die, and if killing Nate meant she lived, then it had to happen. Just like I had to kill Marvel. And Cato. And even Gloss. We have to the worst things to live. I notice that she’s apparently decided to rest her eyes on me, and I don’t look away.

“I think I’m gonna have to take that axe away from you,” Peeta suddenly stands, crossing his arms. There’s a light, joking tone behind the mock anger, and I smile. “Johanna, I don’t trust you anymore. Step away from the tree-destroyer, please.”

“Ah, come on,” Johanna smirks. “Like I’d ever. Katniss would kill me, and we can’t have me gone, now can we? I’m _very_ important,” I swear I see Finnick glare at her. “Oh hush, Odair.” She waves a hand at him, and pats his back.

“Johanna.”

“Finnick,” she mocks, in the same warning tone as him. “I’ll stop, I got it,” she pauses, and then turns to face Beetee. “So, Volts. What’s the plan?”

* * *

I see the metal canister before I actually feel it. “Joh-”

“Oh, shut up,” Johanna whispers, pushing me down into the mud. She’s going to kill me. Johanna Mason is going to kill me. She’s going to fucking kill  _me_. I see her, through blurred vision, and then I feel a stabbing pain in my arm. I barely can turn my head, but I try, and see blood. “Alright, Mockingjay. Don’t fail me now, okay? I got you this far, don’t mess it up,” she breathes in, and shoves herself off of me. “Ohhhhh Brutus, Enobaaaaaaaariaaaaa! I know you’re out there! Come on, assholes, wanna come and chase a poor, helpless little lumberjack? You know you can’t resist!” She yells, and I hear crashing. “Awh, see? Can’t even fucking resist. Well, Sharky. Let’s break ‘em teeth, shall we?” Johanna screams.

“Just leave her, she’s as good as dead, Eno! After the fucking _bitch_!” Brutus yells, and I see a flash of an axe, flying past my head.

“Stay the fuck down, Mockingjay!” Johanna whispers in my ear, one last time, and I see her run. The Careers leap over me, taking chase to her. I decide to  _not_  listen to Johanna, because  _f_ _uck_  Johanna. I move my arm in front of me, propping myself up against a rock. What the hell did she cut? My arm, obviously, but why  _there_ ? Not my throat, not my neck, not anywhere  _vital_. “Put some damn effort into it, Brutus! I’m literally  _asking_ you to kill me, and here we fucking are.” I hear Johanna yell, and I can’t help but laugh. Snarky, even when about to die. It’s a choked, forced sound from my throat, but I still laugh.

“Johanna! Where are you?” I hear Finnick yell, and stop. I force myself to lay down, not making any sound. " _J_ _ohanna_!” He yells again. “Goddammit, Mason!” Finnick runs past me, or at least, I’m guessing. I hear his footsteps, and then rustling. He’s gone in a few seconds, and I stare up at the sky. Finnick and Johanna have betrayed me, and they've broken the alliance. I wonder where Peeta and Beetee are. No, I bet Beetee knew about this. Surely, he had to. He had this entire idea, he probably planned the thing. I can't believe I fell for this, I can't believe I  _trusted_ Johanna, and  _trusted_ Finnick. I also trusted Beetee,  _and_ Haymitch. He wanted me to be an ally to Finnick, for what? Surely he had to know that I would die, and hopefully Finnick and Johanna would too. I can't believe I wanted Johanna to live. I really should have taken Haymitch's note to heart, I guess. I should have never even thought of trusting the best actor I've met. Fucking Johanna Mason, she fooled everyone for the second time, for the second Games she's been in. We had to have been close to Beetee, so I lift my head, glancing around at the surrounding areas. I notice Beetee, who's laying on the ground. At least, I'm guessing it's Beetee. I see the tree next, and know that it actually  _is_ him. I stand on shaky and unsteady legs, making my way over. 

My bow is in my hand, and my quiver is still on my back. This confuses me a lot, because if Johanna really wanted me dead, she would have taken those, right? She would have made sure that I couldn't come after her. I stumble over to Beetee, and stare at the wiring that's wrapped around the stick. "Katniss!" I whirl around, reflexes staying strong. I point my bow, and now arrow, at  _Finnick_ , who's standing there. "Katniss, remember who the real enemy is," that hits hard. I stare at him, and slowly,  _slowly_ turn. I tilt my head up, looking up at the 'sky'. The forcefield. "Katniss..." I decide to tune him out. I drop to the ground, grabbing Beetee's stick. I wrap it around the arrow I was  _going_ to shoot at Finnick, breathing in. "Katniss, get away from that tree," Finnick starts, a warning tone in his voice. I stand, and hear the crackle of thunder above me. "Katniss, get away from that tree!" He shouts, and I breathe out. "Katniss, get away from that tree!" Finnick screams, and a bolt of lighting strikes down towards me. I hear Finnick moving behind me, but he's too late. 

I shoot the arrow. 

Somewhere in the distance, I hear cheering. "Finnick! Hell yeah! That's our girl, that's  _our girl_! She did it! We fucking did it! Finnick- Finnick? Oh, for fuck's-"

* * *

My head is  _pulsing_. I feel like I'm on fire. How ironic. The girl on fire. Funny. Whiteness is everywhere, and I stare up. I don't know what I'm staring at, it's just blank. Bright, but blank. Really blank. I blink, and the whiteness kind of goes away. The bright, blurriness is still lingering, but I can see slightly better. Where am I? Dead? In the Capital? Probably dead. I shot the forcefield, it threw me to the ground, and I think I was picked up in a crane. The thing that takes dead tributes away from the arena. I remember seeing one, when Clove died. Clove. Fifteen, died to Thresh. Eighteen. Died to Cato. Seventeen. Died to Katniss. Seventeen. Died to....Katniss. I guess. If I'm dead, then I shouldn't be feeling anything. I feel angry, sad, and kind of in pain. A lot of pain, actually. And a lot of sadness. I'm not sure why, but I'm sure it will pass. I hope it does. I don't want to be dead, but feel a lot of living feelings. I blink again. This time, the blurriness goes completely away. Not normal. I slowly start to see the area around me. Cool, pale grey. I take a breath, and stare at the bright light. Ceiling light. So I'm not dead, but alive. I don't think I'm in the Capital, because everything there is white. Like snow. Like  _Snow_. This is all grey, and quite frankly, looks terrible. 

I'm aware, now, that my body is still attached. I let my eyes wander, and manage to see a darker colour. My arm? I'm guessing it's my arm. Maybe. I try to wiggle my fingers, and find that I _can_. With that knowledge, I decide to just shoot the fuck up, and worry about consequences later. I regret doing that almost instantly, and my head decides to hurt  _harder_. I glance around, and see a darker figure. "Beetee?" I whisper, and my voice sounds like a croak. "You aren't being tortured," I mumble, which I think is a good thing. I slowly move out of the bed I'm in, and grumble at the tug. "Damn.." I rip my IV out, and use the blanket next to me to wrap around my bleeding arm. I stand, and I nod to myself. Okay, I just need to try to figure this out. I'm in a...hospital? Maybe. Beetee is next to me, sleeping. I don't know where Finnick, Johanna, Peeta, Haymitch, and I am. Johanna sliced open my arm. Finnick was there when I shot the arrow. Haymitch sent me a note. Peeta...I don't know. I open the exiting door, staring out at the halls. I'm certainly somewhere. There are no guards, no Peacekeepers, so I'm pretty sure I'm not in the Capital. Pretty sure. I can't be in Twelve, but I don't know what the other Districts have. I've never really explored them. Only Twelve. 

I hear voices, and I know one of them. Plutarch Heavensbee. It's not the Capital, wherever I am, so I doubt he's on their side. Snow's side, at least. I follow his annoyingly loud voice, and find myself standing at another door. 

"The other Victors in Four. They'll agree. If I'm on her side, they'll be on her side,"  _Finnick_ tells someone. Finnick! He's alive, and he has to be good enough to talk. I'm not fully sure who they're talking about, when they say "her side", but I think it might be me. "Johanna would have..." his voice breaks, and I feel like I've been slapped. She's dead. Johanna is dead. I don't know why I'm so upset. She tried to kill me. She tried to murder me. "The fucking Capitol!" Finnick suddenly screams. "My best fucking friend, and she's there! She saved her goddamn life, Haymitch, we need to-"

"I know," Haymitch, fucking  _Haymitch_ , tells Finnick. "But Johanna was the most...pledged, to our girl. She knew what she needed, and wanted, to do. She made that choice, Finnick. Johanna chose to do this."

"No, she didn't choose to fucking be  _tortured_! 'Cause that's what they're doing, with her an'- an' Annie! They're... they're-"

I hear Haymitch sigh, loudly. "Finnick, did you ever tell Annie anything? About the plan?"

"No! Of course not!" 

"Because then she couldn't harm anything, or anyone, right? And so, if the Capitol got her, she could remain immune to anything, right? And Johanna. She's the toughest damn thing I've seen in a  _long_ time. Sturdy, like a tree. She's probably telling Snow to fuck right off, and in return, they're going to hurt her. I know this. I fucking hate it, but she's going to be snarky, and she's gonna be in pain. Trust me, Finnick. Mason wouldn't give them any secrets, she knows what happens when they're leaked," a small, tiny rage grows in me. I slam their fucking door open, and three heads turn towards me. "Well good morning, Sweetheart. Feeling well?"

"Johanna." 

"Oh," Haymitch sighs. "She cut out your tracker, and is at the Capitol. With Peeta, Enobaria, and maybe Annie. We still don't know for sure yet," that part is directed at Finnick, who just nods. "But we rescued you, Finnick, and Beetee."

Johanna didn't try to kill me. She cut out my tracker, she cut out my  _tracker_. She lead the Careers away from me. She purposely got the Careers away from me. Haymitch had said that she was the "most pledged". Dedicated. To what? Saving me? My head is swimming, and I don't know what to think. Johanna Mason saved my life. She didn't try to kill me. She didn't want me dead. Now she's suffering, at the Capitol. It's not right. It's not fucking right. "You didn't save them. Peeta. Johanna." 

"We couldn't," Finnick's voice is not more than a whisper. "Johanna was too far away, I- I couldn't get to her in time. I tried, Katniss, I tried. And Peeta- I couldn't...I didn't know where he was. After District Thirteen took you in, I had to go."

"Wait, District Thirteen? We're in  _District Thirteen_?" 

"Yes, we are," Plutarch speaks for the first time, since I've entered. "Welcome, Katniss. I'm sure Coin will love to meet our Mockingjay." 

Mockingjay. That's what Johanna called me, right before she ran off. Like the pin. Like the bird. Like what Cinna turned me into. A sign of rebellion. The Capitol, Snow's, worst fear. "She saved my life..." I whisper, not bothering to ask who 'Coin' is. "She- You fucking asshole!" I scream, slapping Haymitch across his face. "You promised! You  _promised_! Haymitch, you said you'd save him- Peeta! And you- you fucking didn't! And now Johanna is there, and Peeta is there, and Cinna is  _dead_! I-" I feel myself being pulled back, and see Finnick standing behind me. "He promised, he fucking-"

"I know," he murmurs, and I feel the quick, sharp pain of a needle. "I know."

* * *

I stare up at the ceiling, sighing. The hospital's smell is almost lost on me, since I've been in here for about a week. 

Beetee was gone when I woke up for the second time. Haymitch came to visit me, so I'm up to speed. The 'leader' of this place is Alma Coin. Or, "President Coin". District Thirteen exists, and they've been living underground for years. They made a deal with the Capital, actually. Snow let them live, and Thirteen didn't nuke them,  _or_ start a war. There are schedules, printed out on your arm, but I've of just wandered around the hospital wing. I don't like to just sit in the hospital, but I'm not allowed to really go that far away from it. To be fair, they can't really stop me, apparently. I'm Coin's Mockingjay, and she doesn't want to make me deny my "role". Like I could. I'm stuck underground, in a place I don't really know anything about. She has complete control over me, and she knows it; she just wants to let me feel "free". At least, that's what Haymitch has told me. He visits, sometimes. Tells me about things that are going on. He doesn't avoid talking about Johanna, and he still tells me to not fall for her. 

I don't know if I've fallen for her or not. I don't know what I feel for her, but it's not what he  _wants_ me to feel. Haymitch sometimes talks about Peeta, and how they're already planning to break the two of them out, if I want. He suggests to make Coin give them full immunity, and I agree with that. Prim and my mom come in to see me. Prim brought me Peeta's pearl, and I can't find it in me to tell her that I don't want it. Mentioning Peeta means remembering who else is with him, Johanna. I can't think about her without feeling mass guilt. Gale visits every now and then, not as much as Prim, or Haymitch. He's a soldier, working for Coin. I'm not surprised - he's strong, and fully capable. He also proved himself, rescuing hundreds of people from Twelve. It was smart thinking, so he's got that going for him, too. Everyone above fourteen is considered a "soldier", and it kind of makes me feel sick. Just like everyone, twelve and up, is a victim of the Hunger Games. 

Finnick comes in the most, though. He tells me the most out of everyone, and doesn't hide things. Haymitch has a bad habit of drinking, so I don't always believe what he tells me. Finnick just has a rope, which he uses to tie knots. It helps him keep his mind off of things, and that's fine with me. It's not big enough to make a noose, so I don't exactly worry about him. He talks about Johanna, frequently. Of course, I always ask him about her. He tells me about when they first met, and how she was...more of a loose canon. Exploding at random times, and random people. She didn't drink, but instead took to rage, and anger fits. He tells me about the time she threw not one, but  _five_ chairs at him, for suggesting she cooled down. That made him smile, remembering it. He tells me about the time they first mentored together. They weren't allowed to mentor each other's kids, but they forced them to ally together. Told the District Four kids to meet up with the District Sevens, and there's no way they could lose. The girls listened, the boys didn't. Finnick's, he died first. 

Johanna's boy ended up getting killed soon after, though. The girls camped out, living together. Finnick's was named Maria, and Johanna's was named Allie. The pair were very,  _very_ close, but didn't make it to the end. Maria was killed by a District Five boy, and Allie couldn't take it. She killed the boy, and then openly hugged Maria's body, for hours on end. She eventually was forced away from the body, so it could be picked up, but she killed herself soon after. The District Two boy ended up winning those Games. Johanna was pissed, and Finnick barely could watch when Allie had driven the knife into her throat. I remember watching those games, and I didn't like them. I'm not sure if I saw Johanna or Finnick when I got picked, but I was too busy trying to keep up the "star-crossed-lovers" act. I think the Capitol has figured out that it was all a lie, and I  _hope_ they let Peeta live. If he can't offer anything to me, then they'll surely kill him. Johanna has me the most worried, though. Haymitch openly states that she's probably telling Snow to go to hell, and I really don't want her to. 

She's stubborn as hell, rude as fuck, and not very good at listening to orders. She can follow them, but she doesn't exactly  _listen_. It hurts to think about what they're doing to her, considering it's been about a week. I can't imagine it. I don't want to imagine it.

 _"You can imagine it, you're just afraid."_ I snap my head up at the voice, staring forwards. There's no one else in the room. 

"Uh, excuse me?" 

 _"What, don't recognize me, Twelvey?"_ The voice trills in my head. Not Johanna, not Peeta, not Prim, not Rue.  _"Starts with a 'C'. That's my only hint."_

"Can I...talk to you inside my head?"

_"Yes, you can. Technically. It's not that good for you, though. C'mon, Katniss. Just take a guess. All of the names that start with 'C'. How many of them do you really know?"_

I pause for a second, mostly out of confusion. Okay, there's a voice in my head. It's not mine, and I don't know who's it is. It starts with a 'C', apparently, and the speaker is female. I think I need to get off of whatever drug they've put me on. "Clove," I whisper. "You're name is  _Clove_." 

_"Ding-ding-ding. Good job, Katniss. I wasn't for sure that you'd get that far. Very impressed."_

"Why are you...in my  _head_?" I ask, and hear Clove laugh. That's really unsettling, and I would heavily prefer her to  _exit_ my  _mind_. "You died a long time ago. And why you, of all people?" 

 _"Honestly, I'm not fully sure. I think it's 'cause you're feeling a lot of guilt towards my death. Yeah, apparently you think Thresh's sentence for me was too harsh. Or some bull like that. I think you viewed me as a younger sibling, like Prim. But more violent, and more...stabby,"_ Clove pauses, and I rub my temples. This can't be real. I'm dreaming, surely.  _"I forgive you, by the way."_

"Excuse me?  _You_ forgive  _m-_ " It feels like a weight has been removed. I feel lighter,  _better_ , not as...guilty. Shit. "Oh. That's..that's something. Can you leave, now?"

_"Trust me, if I could, I definitely would. But I don't think I can, so I'm stuck with you for a bit. You've got a lot of pent up guilt. I'm the one who you didn't have that much guilt for, actually. And there was still a lot with you. Defender of the weak, huh? But can't take care of herself."_

"Shut up, Clove," I sigh, forcing myself to sit up. "How does this even work? You just get to comfortably sit in my head, and listen to the things that go on around me?"

_"Not sure, Katniss. I haven't been here that long, honestly. I mean, I can see what you can see, if that's what you wanna know, Twelve. It's certainly a view. Nice...grey. Everywhere. This place sucks, where are we, again?"_

"District Thirteen," I answer. I can't believe I'm just...accepting this. I'm talking to myself, basically. No one else can hear  _her_ , and it's so goddamn weird. I shouldn't just...let Clove exist in my mind. I don't like it, at  _all_. "How much do you know about me, Clove?" 

_"Uh, I know that you don't hate me. You're not in love with Peeta, we're in...um. District Thirteen. You like the...District Seven girl. From one of the past Games. I don't know her name, but I know you like her. More than you like Peeta. Maybe even love, I'm not sure. It's a mess in here, buddy. You feel bad about how Cato died, and you're wondering if our families - Cato's, and mine - are okay. You also seem to reject the idea of me living with you. You sure know to hit me right where it hurts. In my non-existent heart."_

"You seem different. Like, less...unhinged."

_"Who said I stopped being unhinged? I'm just dead, it's hard to tell what I am. Other than dead. I mean, I'm just glad my speaking is still on point. With that dent in my skull, I could have lost a lot of...functions. I remember that. It was a lesson, in Two. They told us a lot about head injuries. I remember, 'cause Cato almost broke his neck, trying to impress me."_

Yeah. I can see how I could think of her as a younger sibling. She doesn't seem as scary, now that she's just in my head. I'm a bit pissed at myself, considering I don't mind, but otherwise, it's fine. Clove is residing in my skull, and I don't care. I wish Johanna were here. She'd probably tell me a story of how this same thing happened to her, but she told the voice in her mind to fuck off, and it did. Or something like that. "This is really weird, Clove. You, being in my head. And acting like a normal kid." 

_"Don't push your luck, Katniss. I can go back to being Miss Stabby, if you'd like_ _."_

"No, you can stay like this." 

I guess this is my life now. 


	2. District Thirteen

_"So!"_ Clove chimes, and I raise an eyebrow instinctively.  _"Can we finally leave this hospital? It's boring as hell in here, and I hate it."_ I shrug. 

"Probably. Coin wants to see me a lot today, so I can't get out of finally meeting her. I think Haymitch told me they want to-"

 _"Roll you out with the bed, yeah, I know. I'm in your head, Twelve. I can hear things, too."_ If I could tell her to fuck off, I would. I can't, considering it's been about two days with her in my head, and nothing. She's still chiming in, randomly, and won't fucking shut up, so I have to deal with her 24/7. 

"I'm not letting them do that. I'll ask for a wheelchair. I don't want to...be pampered. Like a Capitol lapdog." 

 _"Katniss_   _said_ _,"_ she mocks.  _"Y_ _ou'll probably regret that, y'know. At least you could have taken a nap while she talked."_

"Like either one of you would let me sleep." I mumble, and that seems to shut her up, which I'm thankful for. District Thirteen still has not changed, and I haven't changed, either. The doctors come and go, and so do my 'visitors'. I'd consider Finnick the only  _actual_ visitor I've gotten. He still doesn't hide anything from me, and seems to like to talk about Johanna, who still has not been brought back. Or Peeta, Enobaria, or Annie. I feel worse about Annie being captured than anything, even Johanna. From what Finnick has said to me, she's not...quite there. She's not  _gone_ , either, just...distant. I've been told that she's a great person, has an amazing sense of humour, and likes to bake. And that Finnick told her nothing, so she'd be protected. Snow probably won't do much to someone who lacks use to him, other than keep her captured. So long as he has Annie, he basically has Finnick. Enobaria is...difficult. She's a Career, but so was Clove, and she's not  _terrible_. I don't think Enobaria was involved with getting me to District Thirteen, and if she was, she certainly wasn't good at showing it. I doubt that she actually knows anything, or that she's being tortured. Snow likes her, and I bet she's getting it easy. Not like Johanna. And not like Peeta. It's been a week and two days, and I am certain that I am  _not_ in love with the boy with the bread. Although Haymitch is furious with me. 

I've never been very good at listing to orders, especially when they come from him. Gale is confused, I think, and Prim said that she was waiting for me to tell her that. I've always known that I didn't, don't, love him. I guess I just needed some time to really think it over. I don't think I love Johanna, and even if I do, it's obvious that she wouldn't love me back. I don't know what I feel for Johanna, but it's not hate, and it's not...anything bad. Except guilt. I feel a lot of guilt, and Clove acknowledges this hourly. Sometimes, I wish she would shut up for good. At the same time, though, I've gotten very used to the younger girl. Who resides in my head. I'm not fighting it, considering how lonely I think I would be without her snarky comments. She's not Johanna, not by a long shot, but she's company. I don't get much of that anymore. Gale doesn't like talking to me, Finnick is mostly busy, and my family are doctors. Haymitch is not the kind of company I really want, unless I need the sense slapped back into me. Effie isn't here, even though I'm not sure I'd want her company, either. So I just have Clove, who's probably the best I'll get. I'm pretty sure I don't mind that. Not at all. And to add onto it all, I haven't seen Beetee since the first time I woke up. 

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of a door opening. I stare toward the door, and see Haymitch. Great.  _"Oh, the drunk."_ Clove sighs. I smile slightly to myself. No one needs to know that she happens to be here with me. I cross my arms over my chest, and lean down against the bed. 

"Hi, Haymitch."

"Mornin', Sweetheart. Having a fun time in here?" 

"Sure," I shrug. "Time to go?" 

"Time to go," he repeats, a distant tone in his voice. "Just so you know, Coin isn't the best to work with. She's not Snow, no, but she's no martyr, either. Just be reasonable, Sweetheart, and you should be fine.  _Please_ don't piss her off. It'll be your first time meeting her, don't make a bad impression. But, ask for things, if you want. She'll probably be forced to give it to you, considering you're the Mockingjay. You have her under your thumb, but she won't hesitate to shoot you," Haymitch's face splits into a grin. "I mean, who wouldn't take that chance?" 

 _"Me, 'cause if Katniss dies, I probably go away, too. And that's not very appealing, Abernanny."_ Clove scoffs, and I roll my eyes. 

 _"Abernathy, Clove. His last name is Abernathy._ " I whisper in my mind, and hear her scoff. Again. 

_"Don't care."_

"I'm not going in the bed. Wheelchair, at  _worst_." 

"Picky much?" He sighs. "Anything for you, dearest," Haymitch mocks, and I roll my eyes at him, directly. He disappears for a few minutes, and comes back, wheelchair in hand. "Now, Katniss, you think you can get in this without help?" I groan in response at the idea of moving. "Got it. Want me to get Plutarch, or-"

"No!" The word is out of my mouth before I can say more. That fucker designed the arena. He made the fucking tree, and he made it so Johanna had to let the Careers chase him. "No. I don't. I'll do it myself," I mumble, through grit teeth. "Fucking, fuck," I slowly roll left of my bed, thankful there's no IVs stuck in me. I sigh when my head pulses once or twice, and move to a sitting position. I sigh again, louder, and start to stand. "You do know you could bring the wheelchair over here, right?" 

 _"He's an asshole, but I like his style. C'mon, Katniss. Gotta get the blood flowing somehow. Not in the murder way, but the...blood in your legs. Circulating. Yeah. Murder would be fine, too, but-_ " I tune her out, as I've learned to do after the second day of having her live in my skull. I manage my way towards the wheelchair, and sit down, narrowing my eyes at Haymitch, who looks very uncomfortable. 

"Well, Sweetheart, I have to push you. Just you, and my delightful personality." Not exactly only two of us. I laugh at the last part, though. 

"Dull as a dead slug," I mock, remembering what he had called me back when he was my mentor. "Except you don't get a dress. I'd be horrified." 

"I think I'd look great, thank you very much. Anything but those damn...tree dresses," I close my eyes, and Johanna flashes behind them. "Oh." 

 _"Katniss, come on,"_ Clove's voice is quiet.  _"As soon as we get to Coin, you can ask for the Victor's immunity, like we've planned, right? Make her assemble a team, or something. Um, go and find them. Y'know..."_ Johanna stares at me, and even Clove's very rare attempts at sincerity don't help. She just stares at me, and then I see her grin. Her eyes light up, and she moves closer towards me. Her mouth is moving, but I can't hear anything she's saying.  _"KATNISS!"_ Clove screams in my mind, and it makes my head jerk up.  _"Dammit, stop that! Haymitch is talking."_

"Hey, Sweetheart? You good?" I nod. That's a lie. Just relating to District Seven, tree dresses, or strange hair messes with my mind. "Alright, let's...let's go, then." Haymitch starts to push me out of the hospital, and I sigh.

"Anything else you can tell me about Coin?" I ask, trying to get my mind off of Johanna. "Like, personality?"

"Well, she's straightforwards. Pretty strict, but not like, Snow-strict. She's kind of...dance around the bush sometimes, though. Like I'm sure she'll be with you. Coin kind of knows when to quit, but she's pretty damn intent on you and this rebellion. She doesn't like being challenged, so don't be your normal self, for the love of God. Don't piss her off, too? She's the leader here, don't get on bad ter-"

"I asked you what she was  _like_ , not for you to  _mentor_ me again." 

Haymitch scoffs from behind me. "Always gonna be your mentor, kid. You can't escape me, trust me on that. Like you'd  _waaant_ to. I'm charming."

"Sure." 

 _"Does he really believe that?"_ Clove asks.  _"Or is he being sarcastic? At this point, I genuinely can't tell anymore."_ I snicker to myself, rolling my eyes. 

"Anyways, don't make her mad. Ask for things, though. But not...like, miracles. Of course. Do  _not_ ask for any immunities, Katniss. Do you hear me? No. Imm. U. Nit. Ies. No."

I smile slightly at that, because he's clearly going to get very upset this morning. I'm obviously asking for the immunities, specifically for Johanna, Peeta, and Annie. I'm not sure about Enobaria still, but she deserves immunity, too. Annie might be the first person I need back, though. As much as I hate to admit it, Johanna is very, very strong, and could probably take more than Annie. And plus, Finnick is starting to rip apart his hands with the rope he has. It's concerning me, a lot. I think that was me being reasonable, and I never want to do it again. I  _need_ Johanna back, no matter what. She's such a priority, I can't ever leave her behind again. Peeta...he deserves to live, too. Just not...not with me, because I don't want to hurt him again. I don't love him the same way as he loves me, and I feel bad for leading him on, as Johanna has said previously.  _"Katniss,"_ Clove sighs in my head, and I raise an eyebrow.  _"You're thinking about her, aren't you? You always get this weird, messed up....thing. In your head. I can see it, it's weird as hell. I don't know what it is, but it's gross. Love? Nah, I don't think so, but it's still...hm."_

"Shush," I mumble, and fake-cough. "We almost there, Haymitch?" 

"Uhh," I turn around to look at him, and watch him shrug. "Probably."

" _Probably_?" He grins at me, and then he starts to fucking run. "Haymitch! No! Stop!" I yell as he sprints, but he seems so goddamn intent on giving me a heart attack. "Gonna kill you when I get out of this thing!" I add, and he's howling with how hard he's laughing. 

Clove is more talkative now, cheering him on and calling me a coward. I don't exactly know what she can and can't see, or hear, but it's strange. I don't think I want to know.  _"Don't turn this down, Katniss! It's a goddamn joyride, across this, uh. Place? Hell? Somewhere, but Abernanny is running, and that's a gift!"_ She cheers in my skull, and I groan, half ready to punch my mentor in the  _nose_.  _"Could be worssssse!"_ Clove adds, and I mumble a "fuck you", and that makes Haymitch laugh harder. The actual having to respond to the younger kid in my head kind of sucks. It's not talking to myself, exactly, but I'm not  _crazy_ , either. At least, I don't think I am. I'm thrown back against the wheelchair when the  _fucker_ finally skids to a stop, panting.

"Worth it," he wheezes, and I raise my middle finger at him. "So, so worth it."

"Shut it, asthma lungs," I grumble, crossing my arms as I sink back into the chair. "I'll literally kill you if you do that again."

"You can try, Sweetheart," Haymitch coughs. "We're here, by the way. I bet Plutarch and Finnick are already here. Maybe Gale," I groan at that, because the two of us haven't been on great terms. "Not looking forwards to seeing him?" He asks, and I shake my head. 

 _"Nooo, she just so waaants to see him, duhhh,"_ Clove scoffs.  _"Take a damn hint, Abernanny."_ I grin at that, and breathe out slowly through my nose. 

Time to piss Haymitch off. 

* * *

"And in agreement to being the Mockingjay, Katniss has also asked for...requests. To grant immunity to all of the captured Victors, which include; Johanna Mason, Peeta Mellark, Annie Cresta, and Enobaria...Enobaria Weathers." Coin speaks in front of all of the citizens of District Thirteen, and Clove whoops in the back of my mind. Finnick had yelled and cheered his agreement when I brought it up, and Haymitch had stormed out of the room. All of those reactions I expected from them, and here we are. Coin doesn't look happy about having to agree to this, and a lot of the District Thirteen citizens don't, either. But Prim is grinning from ear to ear, and Plutarch is nodding, so I'm guessing they're okay with it. I'm surprised that Coin mentioned Johanna first, instead of, well,  _Peeta_ , since that's what everyone believes. 

 _"They don't,"_ Clove sighs.  _"They know you don't love him, Katniss."_

"How much can you  _hear_?" I mumble under my breath, waiting for her to bring up the hunting thing. 

_"Lots."_

 "Lovely," I sigh, and see Finnick look at me. "She sounds pissed. I've made a great impression already," I lie, but it's partially true. I am kind of annoyed about that, but I was answering Clove's question. He snickers, and I roll my eyes at him. "Haymitch is pissed, too." 

"He's pissed about everything," Finnick shrugs. "But he'll get over it, trust me. Thanks, by the way. For Annie." 

"It's no problem, Finnick. Trust  _me_ ," I smirk, and he rolls his eyes. "And thanks, for telling me about.. _her_. It helped. A lot." He waggles his eyebrows, and I give him a shove, but that only makes him laugh more. 

"Anytime, sugar cube." I shove him again, narrowing my eyes at the stupid nickname. It relates to the first time I met him, and how he offered me a sugar cube.  _"It's for the horses,"_ he had told me.  _"But they have all the time to live, and we don't. Want one?"_ I just glared at him, but I think I should have taken it. Enlightened the District Four man. If I had known that Annie would be gone, I'd have done anything to help him. I think we understand that about each other, but I hope he does, at least. Johanna probably would scoff at what the two of us have become, and I'd love to hear her do that. Or to tell me to fuck off, or, hell,  _slap me_. Just as long as she could stay with me, and wasn't being fucking  _tortured_. 

 _"Hey, Twelve. Gale's here. Lost in thought?"_ Clove suddenly tells me, and I glance up at the man in front of me.  _"Have fun._ _"_

He looks different. More tired, with dark bags under his eyes. He's about the same weight, having lost and regained it in such a short period of time. He holds himself differently, more...weakly. "Hey, Catnip. I've got training right after this," Gale smiles. I glance down at my arm, and see that I do, too. "Hunting?"

"Hunting," I smile. "Wanna help me up?" He offers me his hand, and I pull myself up and out of my wheelchair, barely wincing at the pain. I glance back at it, and Finnick springs to action. "Thanks, fish." 

Finnick scoffs as he shoves it towards Haymitch, who I just notice now. "Anything for  _you_ ,  _sugar cube_." Gale raises an eyebrow at the nickname, and I just shrug. Haymitch sends me heavy " _you're in trouble, Sweetheart_ ". I return the look with a smirk, and he seems ready to throttle me. Gale pats me on the shoulder, and points at Coin, who's leaving the stage. 

"Hunting?"

"Hunting."

* * *

I stare up at the bright blue sky, grinning. "I'm so fucking free!" I can't stop myself from screaming. Gale laughs at that, and I  _love_ the feeling of the bow against my back. "This is- this is, it's,  _yes_!" I yell, and pull the bow off of my back, pulling an arrow back, too. I break into a sprint, ignoring the slight pain in my...everywhere, I guess. I don't  _care_ , it's  _amazing_ and I'm  _free_! I'm free! 

 _"You done yet, Katniss?"_ Clove sighs in my head, and I just keep running, arrow and bow in hand.  _"Guess not."_

"Katniss, wait up!" Gale yells from behind me, but he's catching up. "The prey has never been hunted before! We'll get a lot!" He calls, and I pause, whirling around to face him. We almost slam into each other, and then I feel the burning in my lungs. I double over, grabbing my knees. "Yeah, you shouldn't have done that." 

"Shut...up...Gale...." I wheeze, trying to catch my breath. "Not...funny.." 

 _"It's kinda funny. Like...actually...really funny. Wish I could be in life forme right now, actually. Then I could push you over, and you'd never get back up."_ Clove sighs. 

"Shut up...to you...too," I hiss, and glance up. I see Gale staring down at me, one eyebrow cocked. "Uh, hello." 

"Who you talking too, Catnip?" 

I stand up too quickly at that, and step back. "No one, Gale." 

"Katniss." He crosses his arms at me. He never  _has_ known when to back off. 

" _Fine_. Her name, if you don't remember, is Clove."

 _"Clove....Clove Fields."_ I try not to laugh at that,  _and_ at the look that Gale is giving me. 

"The girl from District Two? The one that Thresh killed?" I nod. "Huh. What does she..do?" 

I shrug. "Talk." 

"Talk?" I nod again. "She just talks to you, is that it?" I brush a strand of hair back behind my ears. Clove  _does_ talk, but I can sort of feel her in the back of my mind. I know that she's there, and it's kind of like a...pressure. In a way, it's fucked up, and feels way too real. 

_"I am real, thank you very much."_

"Sure," I mumble. "And yes, that's mostly what she does." 

"When did she start?" Gale asks, genuinely curious. 

"Two days ago," I start to lean against a tree, closing my eyes. I open them slightly, to see Gale doing the same. One leg is propped against the tree, and he's staring at me intently. I kind of feel bad, now, for pushing him away. "She's uh, she's a prick." Gale laughs, tilting his head back slightly.

"Has she changed? Since the...Games?" 

"No," I laugh, squeezing my eyes shut again. "She's the exact same. A little less rude, I guess. I think she knows to not be, or I can stop talking to her altogether, and neither of us can..do that." 

 _"Yeah_ _."_ Clove agrees. 

Gale nods. "Does she help you cope?" 

"Kind of," I shrug, again. "She's...nice. To talk to, I mean. It helps a bit. Takes my mind off of...y'know. Everything." That's kind of a lie. I mostly talk to Clove because I can,  _and_ because she takes my mind off of Johanna. 

"Anyone else know?"

"No, because some people know when to stop asking," I tell him, sarcastically. His mouth twitches into a smirk, and I sigh. "But you're the first, yeah." 

 _"Are you going to shoot something, or what? Stop talking about me, I want to hunt. It helps me, actually. Hurry it up, Katniss. Please?"_ Clove's voice is soft, and she sounds actually upset. 

Fuck. Clove, in the two days I've  _really_ known her, very rarely says please. Unless she actually wants something. Goddammit, she's making myself feel guilty. "Gale, let's hunt," I move away from the tree, rubbing my thumb over the material of my bow. "Let's shoot a fucking deer, or a turkey, or hell, a  _panther._ Anything, really." He shrugs, but doesn't hesitate to move, pulling his own bow away from his back. We visited Beetee, who gave us  _very_ special bows. I have explosive, incendiary, and normal arrows. My bow also only responds to my voice and touch, which is amazing. 

"Does it bother you?" Gale asks. "That she's there?"

"No," I reply, staring ahead of me. "Not at all."

* * *

In total, we haul back two stags, one turkey, and three rabbits. Clove cheered for each of those kills, and seems to be in a better mood when we got back. Gale didn't say anything more about her, which was nice. I make my way to my new compartment, since my doctor said I was fine to do so. It's a lonely, sad place, and I don't really like it. I'm supposed to meet a film crew tomorrow, and start doing "propos". I think Finnick had told me that Plutarch would be with the film crew, which made me sigh. And another person, by the name of Cressida. Those are the only two names that I remember, but I'm not looking forwards to meeting them. 

_"So, what now?"_

"Not sure, Clove," I sigh, sitting down on the couch they supplied me with. "I sort of want to know more about you." 

_"Uh, there's not much."_

"We can learn more about each other, considering we're stuck with each other?" I offer, and she sighs. "Alright, you and Cato."

_"What about us?"_

"What were you, to each other?"

 _"Good friends_ ," if she was here right now, I bet she'd shrug.  _"We weren't exactly trained to have emotions, I guess. Mindless killers, so to say. But we would die for each other, until the Games. We liked each other enough to pair up. Sometimes the Careers didn't, since they didn't always like killing the kid they trained with, side by side. I'd say that we were best friends, since we never learned to love. Maybe we would have been more, in some weird, different circumstance."_ She answers, and I can't help but frown. Maybe, if I had been quick enough, I could have hauled her back to the cave where Peeta was in. I could have helped her, and maybe, just  _maybe_ , she could have lived. 

That's stupid thinking, though. She was District Two, and I was District Twelve. There's no way the three of us could have lived, no matter how much I'd have liked it. "Anything you want to know about me?"

 _"Touchy subject, but! Johanna Mason. Who is she to you?"_ I sigh. I knew she was going to ask that. 

"I'm not exactly sure," I mumble. "I feel terrible every time I think of her, knowing what's going on. I hate myself for thinking that she was trying to kill me. Haymitch told me  that she was the most dedicated to the whole...me being the Mockingjay thing. Johanna...she's...I don't know. She matters to me. A lot, obviously. But I don't know in what way. I don't think I love her, but I- I'm not sure, I guess. If I could trade places with her, I would. I wish she was here, right now. I hate the idea of her being...tortured," my voice cracks, and I roughly wipe at my eyes. My hands come back wet. "I miss her." 

Clove is silent for a long time, and I don't blame her.  _"I'm sorry, Katniss,"_ I'm surprised when she tells me that, and I close my eyes.  _"I think I understand how much she means to you, even though it's difficult for me. You have a lot of guilt for her, I can practically see it. But I'm not sure what she is to you, either. I think you love her. Like, a lot. I think you love her, Katniss."_ Clove sounds sincere.

"I think I might just believe you, Clove."


	3. Miss me, Everdeen?

I stare at the ceiling. It's about four in the morning, and I woke up at three. Clove hasn't said anything, but I still can't sleep. I'm not tired, and I'm  _very_ awake. I've been up, thinking about what the day will hold for me. I sigh, and roll over to face the other direction. Johanna appears in my head, and I groan. The exact opposite of what I need. I saw her with Peeta and Caesar Flickerman yesterday. She looked fine, but I could tell that she wasn't. She's being tormented,  _tortured_ , and all because of me, at that! Finnick watched them, too, and I think we both know what the Capital is doing. Peeta called for a cease-fire, and Johanna didn't say much of anything. She just stared into the camera and smirked. She mouthed the word "mockingjay", and I had to leave the room. Finnick didn't come after me, and prevented Haymitch from doing so, too. A lot of District Thirteen citizens think of Peeta as a traitor, which is stupid as hell. He's obviously just saying what he's told to, unless he wants a beating. 

Enobaria was with them, too. She looked the absolute best, which pisses me off. Of course she's fine! She's a fucking Career, someone who  _wanted_ to be in the goddamn Games! Snow would never do  _shit_ to her. but he'll ruin Johanna and Peeta, because of  _course_ he fucking will. I force myself to keep my hands down, for the lamp's sake. I glare up at the ceiling, clenching and unclenching my fists. "Hey, Clove. You up?" 

 _"The dead don't sleep, Katniss."_ She informs me, sarcastically. I roll my eyes, and move to sit up, considering that I probably won't be able to fall back asleep. 

"What do you think Coin'd do if I went on a rescue mission? By myself. To go save them." I don't have to specify who  _them_ refers to, which I'm glad for. I don't think I can say her name out loud right now. 

 _"She'd be very angry,"_ Clove tells me.  _"Probably would be pissed. She might even want you to die more than she already does. But yeah, how about we don't? If you die, I die for the second time. Death is overrated and annoying, thank you very much_ _."_

"That's rich, coming from you," I scoff, and stand, making my way towards the 'living room'. "I want to hunt," I announce, to nobody. "I'd like to hunt with someone other than  _Gale_ ," I sigh, forcing myself to sit on the couch. "We're still not on the best of terms, and it makes hunting awkward. Even though the prey isn't used to hunters, it still sucks," I stare at the door, leading out of my compartment. I have my bow, directly by said door. I could do it. I could leave right now, go to the Capitol. "What, on foot?" I mumble to myself. "I'd get killed."

 _"You would,"_ Clove agrees.  _"Snow would be surprised for a second, then he'd either kill you, or capture you. Clip your wings, or something. Get it? 'Cause you're the-"_

"Mockingjay, yes, I know. Very clever, Clover Fields," I feel a pang of pain in my head. "Sorry, but your parents  _knew_ your last name would be Fields, and they went with  _Clove_ as a first name? It's funny."

Clove scoffs.  _"Whatever, Katniss. That's your name. Kat. Niss. You know what that rhymes with? Yeah. Cat piss. That's your new name, Catpiss."_

"Bitter," I chuckle to myself. "Anyways, it's..." I pause, and glance at the automated clock on the wall behind me. "It's now five thirty. Lovely. Thirty more minutes until schedule time. Do you think I could sneak out, to go hunting? Or like, save...y'know."

_"You asked me this not even two seconds ago. The answer is still no, because you would be caught. Coin would not be happy."_

"Sorry," I smile slowly. "I forgot that you're not all..."let's kill them!" or, "yeah, let's go do some dumb shit!" It's really opening up my eyes, Clove." 

 _"I'm gonna give you a migraine if you keep this up,"_ she informs me.  _"Like, a really, really bad migraine."_

I shrug, mostly to myself. "Would that not hurt you?"

_"It'd be worth it."_

"Probably," I agree, and force myself to move off of the couch. "I'm gonna go crazy in this fucking place. It's good to know that I've got my compartment to myself, but I'll probably burn it down in two days. Max," I sigh, and Clove quietly agrees. "We should visit Prim, or something. Or I should convince Coin that we need to do that rescue mission  _right now_ , or I refuse to be the Mockingjay. I could do that, right?" 

_"She wouldn't be happy, she'd refuse, and maybe kill you. She really doesn't like you that much, Katniss. You shouldn't push your luck."_

"You shouldn't push your luck," I mimic, and sigh again. "I'm just, going crazy. I really don't like being trapped underground, not being able to do anything, just  _waiting_ for something or someone to do  _something_. It's boring," I pause, glancing around at the dark room. "Maybe they'll let me go on a mission or something, Show my face around, wave some stupid, District Thirteen flag around. The Mockingjay! Fighting the Capital day after day, just by living! How heroic!" I mock Coin's voice, and Clove scoffs in my head. "Y'know,  _she'd_ be better at this-"

 _"Katniss, Johanna would kill Coin in less than a second. She would also immediately demand a lot of things, and then bomb the Capital, if she was still alive. Then she would torture Snow, probably kill some other guys, and then abandon everyone to clean up her mess and go back to District Seven, where she'd live out the rest of her days. Probably drunk, or addicted. Boom, that's what'd happen is she was in your shoes. She's mean, she's loud, she likes to speak her mind, and she isn't afraid to do so. Thus, that's how Johanna Mason would die. She's also very stubborn, from what I've heard and seen, and watched, when her Hunger Games happened. So, no, it would not be good if she was here, because she would not be better at this."_  

I cross my arms, and lean back against the couch even more. I hate to admit it, but I honestly think Clove is spot on with almost everything she just said. Unless Johanna has someone to control her, keep her in line and make sure she isn't rampaging, then, yeah. Clove's right. But if she had someone to help her, keep her on track, then maybe she'd make a better Mockingjay. To be fair...not a lot of people seem to like her as much as me, which is ridiculous. I just pulled some dumbass stunt in the Hunger Games, while Johanna had a real,  _good_ strategy. Sure, she didn't volunteer for her younger sister, but that's not exactly  _important_. I did it as a spur of the moment thing, and she probably didn't even have a younger sibling. And her name was called, it wasn't like she could exactly say, "no thanks, get another tribute!" because she'd be  _killed_ , or forced to do it. She played everyone, and she played them in such a smart way that it's ridiculous. I can't believe people like me more than her, when I barely have done anything to help the rebellion. I'm the Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion, yet here I am, in my compartment,  _alone_. Not doing anything, not helping, not fighting, and definitely not saving previous Victors from Snow and his damn Capital. She'd be a better  _anything_ than me, especially a Mockingjay. She would have Finnick on her side, so she might be able to be "controlled" that way. Controlled is a stupid word to use, because Johanna Mason cannot be  _controlled_. 

 _Katniss Everdeen_ , on the other hand,  _can_ , because of Ms. Mason. As far as I'm aware, from what Finnick has told me, Johanna has no one left. No one to love, no one to love  _her_. No one. I do. I have Prim, my Mom, Gale, Finnick, Haymitch,  _her_ , Peeta, and hell, even  _Clove_. I have an entire District to live for, people to love, and hundreds of thousands of people depending on me to give them hope, inspire them to fight back. I have to live to kill Snow, I have to live for my family and friends, and I have to live for Johanna Mason, because she's being tortured, and I'm not going to let that happen. Not any longer. I'm going to press Coin until she buckles, until she decides to send that rescue team, and  _goddammit_ do I want to be on that rescue team. I want to be there when we rescue her and Peeta, and  _maybe_ Enobaria, just to show her that someone  _does_ care, and that I'm  _sorry_ for not being there for her. And that I'm sorry for briefly hating her, when I thought she was trying to kill me. Maybe it's too much to ask for, but I think it's worth the punishment from Coin I'll probably get. I know my immunity is slowly wearing off for her, and I know that she definitely wants me gone more and more, every time I ask for something she doesn't want to do, but I don't care. So long as I pretend to be her little Mockingjay, so long as I show my face every now and then, she has to do what I say.

And what I'm going to say to her is, "I want to rescue Johanna Mason, and the other captured Victors, including Peeta Mellark, Annie Cresta, and Enobaria."

* * *

Turns out, asking to be on the rescue team isn't as hard as I thought it would be. Coin said that said team was already underway, and for me to get to join, it would be to go to training. Every time I need to go, and stop the hunting deal until the rescue team actually rescues the captured Victors. I figure there's some ulterior motive for her giving in so easily, but I'm not one to question it, let alone  _stop_ it. Even if she had told me no, I'd still probably sneak into the rescue team's hovercraft, because if there's one thing I'm amazing at, it's not following orders. Haymitch is very, very upset with me, but Finnick is heavily supportive of my decision. I asked him if he wanted to go with, and he said no, because that'd probably push my luck even more. While that  _is_ true, I'm not sure who the team will be made up of, and I'd rather have a friendly face around than a complete stranger. 

Although it makes it easier if one of them got captured, because I would have no remorse about killing them. 

I sigh as I make my way to the training area. It's still grey, like everything else in District Thirteen. I crack my knuckles as I appear in the doorway, glancing around at the sights. It's outside, and it still looks grey. Sure, the grass is kind of green, but it reminds me of District Twelve. My home. My used to be home, before it was  _bombed_. I sigh again, and step out of the doorway, grass crunching under my feet. 

Training lasts for an hour and a half. It's horrible, painful, and I vomit about thirty minutes into it. But...it's all for that goddamn lumberjack. 

* * *

The months, admittedly, blur by. Clove still is in my skull, but by the time I've even realised that Coin is sending out the rescue party, it's been six weeks. Six fucking weeks. I've been training like hell, staring in propos whenever it suits them, and I've even been trying to be an active part of District Thirteen. I've seen her. I've seen her a lot. She's on the programs from the Capitol. She looks defiant as ever, but that doesn't make the nausea in my stomach leave. Or the pounding in my skull, or the slight pulsing in my arm. I've seen  _Peeta_ , too. The Capitol still thinks I'm in love with him, so they're using him. It...it hurts. He might not be my lover, or anything close to it, but he's still...he's still  _Peeta_. He still likes the colour orange, and he still is the boy with the bread. But we aren't lovers. We never were. Just because Peeta had a crush on me since we were young  _doesn't_ mean that I return it. 

But, when I get onto the helicopter to save  _her_ , I feel strong. I feel stronger than ever, and Clove agrees with me. It's a simple humming in my head, but I can understand that she's fully on board with this. Gale, Boggs, and two other soldiers who I don't know the names of are with me. Finnick said that he would probably break down if he saw Annie in any state which is remotely bad, so he didn't come. I miss that, admittedly. I would have really enjoyed having someone to talk to while riding to the Capitol to rescue them. I feel a pang of excitement in my heart, and I stare out of the window. Gale sits down next to me, letting his head hit the window. He grunts out a sigh, and rolls his head over to face me. "Hey, Catnip." 

"Hawthorne," I grin, fingering my bow to let out some energy. "It's happening, Gale. It's actually happening!" I try to keep my emotion and tone under control, but just the  _thought_ of finally seeing Johanna is too much to handle. 

 _"Careful there,"_ Clove snickers.  _"Wouldn't want Mr. Tall Man to get jealous."_

"Hush," I scoff, rolling my eyes at Gale who does the same. He understands a lot better than I thought he would have. I lean back against the window, closing my eyes as I breathe in and out. I need to calm down. If I'm too excited, I might ruin this entire mission. And I  _can't_ fucking do that. My fingers drum over my bow, the one Beetee made me. It's black chrome, or something like that. It has multiple arrows, - fire, poison, explosive, and normal - all for my personal use. I miss the feel of my father's old bow, but this is for a good cause. A simple, wooden bow would do little against an entire fleet of Peacemakers. But this...this would - will - get me to Johanna. "Are you ready?" I ask Gale, turning to fully face him. 

"It's been six weeks," he shrugs. "I've prepared for this since I was born, Katniss. I've always been ready." I scoff at the extremely  _Gale_ answer, and nod at him once. Before I even know it, we're landing. I think I might have fallen asleep, because Gale shakes my arm lightly as I feel the helicopter fully land. I spring to action, standing at full height and attention as I march out. We're a good twenty-five minutes away from the Capitol's holding room, so I walk quickly. Gale glares at me every now at then, making sure that I'm still  _technically_ close to him. Close enough to grab, if needed. No one trusts me enough to let me lead everyone else. Even if I  _am_ the most experienced with the Capitol. Gale believes that I'll automatically run off, just to find her. Although that is...true..I can be responsible when I need to be. 

Just not when it comes to Johanna Mason. 

"We're here," Boggs announces, turning to face us. "The main goals are Peeta Mellark, Johanna Mason, Annie Cresta, and Enobaria.." he pauses. I think he forgot her last name. To be fair, most of us have. "Is that understood?" There's a chorus of 'yes sir!'s, and I watch as we breach the first doors. We're greeted with silence. Empty, cold, silence. I try not to gape.  _What if they're not here? What if they were moved? What if Johanna is being fucking tortured right now, because we were too late? What if Snow is here? What if he has her? What if-_

 _"Katniss!"_ Clove shouts in my head.  _"God, don't think that way! She's fine, she's waiting for you. I promise. It...it's quiet, but...she's here. I just know it. Okay? Calm your ass down, Everdeen. I live here, too."_

I take a deep breath in, watching as Gale steps ahead of me, glancing in one of the nearby rooms. He shines his flashlight inside of the room, and I hear him take a sharp inhale. I peer over his shoulder, and swallow. Oh. It's a water tank, sort of. There's hundreds of wires in and out of it, and blood is splattered across the white walls and floors. 

And in the middle of all of it, is Johanna Mason. 

She's just... _sitting_ there. 

Right in the middle of the room. 

She's not handcuffed. She isn't awake. But I can hear muffled shouting. Muffled talking. Gale is telling me something. 

I run forwards. She's right _here_.

Gale shouts something, and I can see the rest of the guards spreading out, with one next to me. I reach her first, and I can feel her shirt, her  _pulse_ , more importantly. I feel  _everything_ , and I..I want to scream. She's alive, she's  _alive_. She's  _alive_ , and she's right  _here_. 

 

* * *

I barely remember the next few hours. Peeta tries to kill me - I'm put back in the hospital. Finnick and Annie reunite, it's apparently beautiful. Clove has gone silent in my head, which concerns me. A doctor comes in my room, tells me Johanna is stable and living. She refuses to talk to him, though. I tell him, well  _try_ to, to bring her in here. He obliges, rolling her bed into my room. I'm immediately up, swallowing through my bruised and painful throat as I see her. Her head is shaved. But she doesn't look any less...Johanna. Still fiery, even if she's not looking at me.

"Joha-" I croak, closing my eyes when the pain becomes too much. I keep looking down at her. She's living. She looks towards me, as if she suddenly realises where she is. 

"Well well well," she smirks, and I feel my heart hammer in my chest. She's here. "I guess I really had my work cut out for me when I saved your dumb ass, huh?" Johanna props herself up, yawning rather dramatically. "Well, Mockingjay. You've managed to live, yet again. Even if you're too brainless to realise when to quit." 

I sigh at the nickname, happy at the fact that I get to here it again. "Mm." I nod, swallowing again. 

"Don't try to talk, brainless!" Johanna snaps at me, scoffing when I roll my eyes. "God, what would you even do without me?"  _I'd rather not do that again_. "In case you haven't realised, dumbass, your best friend Peeta happened to strangle you. So, talking is gonna be pretty difficult for you, until you heal," I sigh, and thump my head against my pillow. I motion writing, and then tilt my head as best I can. "What, you want to write?" I nod. She simply leaps out of her fucking bed, and struts down to the next room over. Next thing I know, she's thrown a pen and paper at me. It hits my chest with a dull thud. "There you are. Mockingjay." 

I flip open the pad of paper, and click on the pen.  _Are you okay_? I write. She scoffs. "Six weeks of torture is nothing. I  _really_ start to get warmed up after fifteen years," I huff.  _Johanna, I swear to god._ "Sorry, I don't believe in swearing," she states, completely deadpan. I send her a glare. As much as I'm glad she's here, she's fucking ridiculous.  _I was worried. I'm sorry I couldn't convince them to get there sooner_. "Well, it happened," Johanna shrugs. "Better late than never," I sigh.  _I vomited up a lung for you. In case you wanted to know_. That makes her snort, and she rolls her eyes at me. "Romantic, and very touching. I feel honoured," I tap the pad with the end of the pen, frowning. _I thought you were trying to kill me. With the tracker. I felt like shit everyday because of it. Thanks for saving my life, Mason._ She sighs. Loudly. "Don't be sappy. It's in the past." 

 _"She's charming_ ," Clove states.  _"I mean, I've never actually met her, so this is_.." she pauses, and I watch Johanna with careful eyes.  _"Eye opening_." I watch her as she picks at the hospital clothing on her, and I watch as she glances up at me. I lean forwards, ever so slightly, and place an open hand on the end of the bed. It's an offering, one that she doesn't have to take. I feel a warmth in my palm, and smile. I force myself not to grin, and don't move my hand at all. As nice as it would be to properly hold her hand, I doubt she would ever passively let me get that far. 

"Was it boring?" I raise an eyebrow at her. "Y'know, without me?"  _YES_. I write it down on the notepad as quickly as I can, holding it up in my other hand. Johanna snickers, and I feel her thumb roll over the palm of my hand. "Mm, yeah. I mean, I had company. Peeta and I got very used to each other's screams," she grins. "How is Finnick?"  _Worried about you. And Annie. Really worried._ "Figured," she sighs. "He's always been a social creature. For whatever fucking reason. Humans suck. They fucking suck," Johanna scoffs, glancing away from me. "Sooo, what did you call me in here for again?"  _I wanted to make sure you were alright?_ I scribble it out onto the pad. Johanna shrugs. "I'm alive, right?"  _You know what I mean._ "I'm  _fine_. In case you don't know, I'm really good at living." I direct the most annoyed frown I can at her, and she grins. 

I don't remember either of us falling asleep, but apparently we do. I wake up, holding Johanna's hand in mine. She's resting against her pillow, eyes peacefully closed. 

Then the screaming starts. She thrashes, kicking upwards with her legs. I immediately leap forwards, placing both hands on her shoulders. Her eyes shoot open, right as she punches me in the jaw. I recoil slightly, but keep my hands firmly on her. She launches upwards, wrapping her arms around her. She eyes me, eyes darting towards the reddening welt on my jaw. "..Thanks." I lean forwards a bit, and try to look as sympathetic as possible.

"Jo..." I whisper, feeling my throat clench around the word. It burns to talk, but I don't care. She needs this. Wants? I don't know. Maybe  _I_ need this.

"Don't talk, brainless," Johanna whispers, glancing away from me. "I just..had a nightmare, is all. It happens, y'know," I take a chance. I place a hand on her shoulder. She doesn't do much but look at me, warily. I place my other hand on her other shoulder, and then pull her in for a hug. She stiffens, and I'm ready to pull back, but she shifts to place her head by mine. "It was just a nightmare, Everdeen. It's not..that serious." I just hold her tighter to my chest, closing my eyes as she eventually wraps her arms around  _me_. We fall asleep in her bed, curled up closely together.

I'm not sure if this is how I imagined our reunion, but...I don't want this any other way. 


End file.
